陳 - Chen2 - Old, Stale, Display, (a surname)

Walde pulls out a movie version of The Water Margin for us to watch tonight. Remember I’ve mentioned this before? One other really great kung fu movie, Hero Tattoo with Nine Dragons is also based on The Water Margin. I ask him who’s in it, he starts naming like every kung fu actor ever. It turns out that just about all of the 108 heroes and villains in The Water Margin is represented in this movie. I ask him the most important question: Is 陳觀泰 - Chen2 Guan1 Tai4 - Chen Kuan Tai in it, and does he play the same guy that he plays in Hero Tattoo? Walde says he doesn’t think so.

We watch it anyway. In the beginning of the movie, which is really not moving along, they spend a solid 15 minutes introducing all the characters. They’ll show them, and show the name of the actor and the name of the character they’re playing, luckily in Chinese and English. They’re going through them all, and towards the end they show CHEN KUAN TAI as SHI JIN, and they even make a point of showing all his tattoos! Yeah!

The movie is playing, and playing, and playing, there’s tons and tons of dialog and complicated plots by half of the 108 heroes and villains against the other half, making use of their incomprehensible web of relationships and past history. But no Chen Kuan Tai. But then again, we haven’t seen lots of the people named in the beginning, so we’re not that worried.

This goes on for two hours. The movie really drags. More dialog. More plots. People get captured and are freed, adultery is committed, alliances form and are broken, and friends turn on each other. Elaborate plans and created and carried out. Finally, the end comes. You can tell it’s getting near the end because everybody gets together for a big fight. All the characters named in the beginning, as well as even more that were introduced during the two hours, and a few who turn up out of nowhere appear… But still no Chen Kuan Tai!

The big fight runs its course and I guess the good guys win. But we’re now confused and starting to get angry. Is there some twist ending? Chen Kaun Tai is going to run out and beat everybody up? Or was he back at the mountain stronghold checking the mail and feeding the cats the whole time? They’re going to go back now and tell him what happened?

No!!!!

THE END
A Shaw Brothers Production.
Shaw Brothers must be superb quality film.

“WHAT?!?!? CAN THEY DO THAT?” I yell. “They just did”, Walde says.